15 RULES BY WHICH DELHI LIVES

1. The Other Side Law:
If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The Queue Nahin Rule:
If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind Over Matter Law:
If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.

4. The Auto Axiom:
If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an information security leak.

5.. The In Spit Of Thing:
The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.

6. The Cinema Hall Fact:
If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause mode.

7. The Brotherhood Law:
If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest that the other person has illicit relations with his sister.

8. The Baraat Right:
When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me. To ME.

9. The Heart Of Things:
If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can see through my maldeformed chest into the depths of my soul.

10. The Name Game:
It is very important for the driver behind me to memorise the nicknames of my children.

11. Parking Up The Wrong Tree:
When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected.

12. The Chill Bill Move:
When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to pause, relax, chill and take a few moments off from his rushed day.

13. The Ogling Stare:
If you don't ogle and drool at every hot Chic that passes by, you're gay.

14. The Bus Karo Law:
If I stop my bus at the correct place near the bus stop, the city will explode and blow into 6 million pieces.

15. The VIP Rule:
There are only 6 important persons in this city-Me, I, Myself, Main, Mainu, Assi.

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.



"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."



"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.



Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."



And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.



While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.



Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.



"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"



"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.



"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.


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"To blow out that candle you lit !" by UNKNOWN

he Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .


2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.


3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.


4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management


5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).


8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.


9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.


10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.


11: I've run away to join a different circus.


AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:


12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve '
_________________ by un known

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No,"- the patient says, -"I am fine with pills".

The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagara tablet."

The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagara worked as a pain pill!"

"It doesn't,"- said the dentist -"but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
_________________ by unknown

PRICELESS!!! A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." Priceless , isn't it? Keep Smiling !!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Anon

• Ow Boss! I was praying for your long life in a temple • * I was passing by a school and they kept practicing the National Anthem for 1 hour • * I am geographically challenged and I lost my way again • * A black cat kept crossing my path • * The signal broke down at red light. • * My milkman locked me inside the house • * My body clocked malfunctioned • * I ran over a cockroach and had to admit it to the hospital. • * My clock is made in Pakistan and was running in Pakistan Standard Time. • * I saw you weren't in Office, so I went out looking for you • * In my desperation to get to work, halfway I realized that I am still in night dress, so had to go back change • * I applied Fevicol thinking it to be toothpaste. Had to visit the dentist. • * My dog dialed 100 and the police was interrogating me • * I sick thief broke into my house and stole all my clothes. • * Sniff! My grandmother died yesterday. No, no...I've three grandmothers, only two have died before. • * They were laying the road near my house...no way out • * I had to be rushed to Emergency with severe chest pain. Turned out to be gas. • * Some Communist rally near my house. • * A friend called and threatened to commit suicide. I spent the morning convincing her. • * My Dog ran away with my bike keys. • * I was covered with soap when the water supply was cut off. When I came out to investigate, people accused me of indecent exposure by excuses for coming late

Agar Main Prime Minister Ban Gaya To Petrol Ki 50% expense kam kardunga Ab Aap Puchoge Wo Kaise?? Very Simple Main Dhalaan (slope) Wali Sadkein Banwa Daunga, Aapkii Bike Car Etc. Apne Aap Hi Chalti Rahengi. Ab Aap Puchoge K Wapas Kaise Aayenge?? Very Smart Maine To 50% Ka Hi Promise Kiya Tha!! Rang De Basanti Bache Sharab Pi Rahe Hai, Buildingon Se Kud Rahe Hai, Cigarette Phook Rhe Hai, Baap Ko Goli Maar Rahe Hai, Foreigner Sabko Bewkoof Bana Kar Chale Gai, Hero 5 Sal Se Univrsity Mein Fail Ho Raha Hai, Uski Ma Keh Rahi Hai Gadhe Kama Kar Kab Layega. Aur Director Kehta Ha Generation Awakening.! Mujhse Shadi Karoge? . . . . . . . . Kal Pura Din Soch Kar Mumi Dadi Bhai Behan Sabke Sath Baith Kar Mashwara Karke Parso Mujhe Bata Dena Ke Ye Gana Kis Film Ka Hai ____________ by Anon

The 11th Husband.... A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom? "How can that be if you've been married ten times." "Well, husband was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him. " But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "You’re with the "GOVERNMENT".. This time I KNOW I'M going to get SCREWED." _________________ by Anon